Tired of Saving Souls
by dustytiger
Summary: Prentiss makes a choice that may cost her her job. How will it change her life and her relationship with Hotch? Challenge response. Two Parter.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Tired of Saving Souls (Part 1 of 2)  
Author: Trista Groulx (dustytiger)  
Rating: T  
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, alas, they belong to their network, creator, writers and actors and actresses who bring them to life each week.  
Summary: Prentiss makes a choice that may cost her her job. How will it change her life and her relationship with Hotch?  
Notes: This was written for a challenge on "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" search it in the "forum" category if you don't know it. I don't write this pairing, and this is a friendship fic. This was tough I'm not gonna lie. It's two parts, enjoy! The title comes from a song by a band called Neverending White Lights that's been stuck in my head for days. Not a songfic tho.

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Emily Prentiss was sitting in Aaron Hotchner's office. He had told her in front of everyone in the conference to wait for him in the office until the briefing was over. She was fuming. She couldn't believe that she was being reprimanded for her actions on the last case she had worked. She knew that she had made the right choice and no one was going to make her see her it any differently. She had already filed all the paperwork she needed to and even if she was suspended she was not going give in. She knew she had done the right thing. Part of her wanted to get up and leave the office and say to hell with BAU the FBI and all its rules, but she had too much respect for her colleagues to do that.

After what felt like hour the door opened and Hotch came inside. He sat down on the other side of his desk and pinched the bridge of his nose. He took a deep breath but didn't begin to speak. She had already waited for what felt like an eternity and now her boss wasn't even saying anything. She stood up slow.

"Sit," Hotch told her, his tone more serious than she had ever heard it. "Do you know how many rules you broke?"

"I honestly don't care Hotch, not under these circumstances," she replied.

"Prentiss, I have worked with you for a long time, I have come to gain a lot of respect for you; while I know your heart was in the right place, but that doesn't mean I support your decision."

Prentiss thought that if anyone would understand the choice she had made it would be Hotch. The rest of the team seemed to be supporting her decision and it baffled her that Hotch would be so resistant to this. After all he was a parent, he should have wanted the same thing she did. The same thing Jennifer Jareau, as a parent, had wanted too; a better solution to the problem.

"I'm not asking for your support, nor am I looking for acceptance from the FBI," Prentiss stated firmly. "I know that I did the right thing for that little girl and I don't give a damn that it nearly cost us the unsub!"

"That's exactly why this is such a big issue! Saving that one little girl could have cost countless other lives."

"It didn't! If a man had thought of doing what I did he would be given commendation for his efforts! But because I did this from a different angle I am seen as weak and stupid."

Hotch sighed loudly. "This is not a gender issue. This has nothing to do with your motive for doing this. It has to do with all the rules you broke in accomplishing what you did."

"I didn't do anything anyone else in my position wouldn't have done. That little girl has been hurt enough for two lifetimes and she hasn't been on this earth for a year. I was not letting her get hurt again!"

"I understand that, but you could have done it in a different way. Strauss is looking for your badge over this."

"I don't care! Let her have it!"

"Emily!"

Prentiss knew that it might not be the best attitude to have, but she didn't care. She didn't want to fight for her right to do what she had done. She knew she'd made the right choices in the last case even if it might cost her her job. She had wanted Hotch to have her back and fight for her but it was clear he wasn't going to that. Which made her not want to fight whatever was coming even more.

"If you're not going to go to bat for me on this than let her take my badge," Prentiss told him. "I knew that you would be able to catch that man without having to put that little girl through any more trauma!"

Hotch sighed. "She was perfectly safe the whole time."

"Physically maybe, but emotionally I don't believe that. We were putting a child in a position that we would never put an adult in."

"She wouldn't have remembered she's just an infant," Hotch told her for what felt like the millionth time.

He knew that the not everyone had agreed with his original choice. He was a parent too and he would have had a hard time putting Jack into a position like he had wanted put that little girl into. But he also knew that at the age that infant she would not remember. The team and the local law enforcement officers were seconds away if anything happened. He knew the baby would have been safe through the whole ordeal or he would never have agreed to something so drastic. Prentiss' choice to protect the baby had almost cost another life. It also meant there was more work for everyone else because it took two days longer to catch the unsub. As her friend he knew that Prentiss' heart had been in the right place but as her superior he could support her actions when she was brought up on review. She had broken too many rules.

"I don't believe that," Prentiss told him "Just because she might not have an exact memory I believe what Reid was saying about emotional trauma can shape your brain at that age. She is just an innocent child, and I was right there was another way to nail him! That's all that should matter. We shouldn't risk a child for efficiency's sake."

"Your way could have gotten you killed!" Hotch reminded her. "It's likely going to end your career."

"Your way could have gotten a child killed! It was the better choice even if you don't see it now."

"I hope you know what you're doing."

"I do."

Hotch took a deep breath, and his demeanour changed completely. He had gone from her superior to her concerned friend. He knew that he would not be able to do anything for her as her boss, it was out of his hands what might happen as a result of the last case but he didn't want her to think he didn't support her on her personal level. He knew that what she was planning on doing wasn't going to be easy. Having been forced to be a single parent he found it hard and he had a lot of help and his son was older.

"Are you sure you are ready for this?" Hotch asked her.

"Yes I am, I wouldn't be doing this if I weren't sure," she assured him her voice softer than before. "The second I saw Carmelina I knew that I had to protect her no matter what it took. She has no one else willing to advocate for her and I know I'm making the right choice."

"I'll do what I can to keep you here, but this team is already treading water."

"I know. There is no other reason I would want to leave my position."

"Good luck then Emily. I'll everything I can to help, but I don't think it will be enough."

"That's all I can ask of you, thank you."

"It won't be the same around here without you. Right now you are suspended with pay pending the review."

She nodded. "I know. I came to say goodbye to everyone."

"I want you to attend that review instead of quitting. If you quit now they will think that they were right."

"What do you think about this?"

He shrugged. "I think that your way worked out better for everyone; however a review panel will see it differently."

"I needed to hear that, thank you Hotch."

Prentiss stood up and shook Hotch's hand. She could see the rest of the team watching as she left the office. She waved at them a smiled a little. She went down to the underground parking lot, and went to her car. She knew that it might take a few days if not weeks to find out what might be going on. She decided she would think positive and stopped at the mall on the way home. She went to pick up the baby things she would need if she was given the right to adopt the little girl from the case. She knew it might be temping fate to go baby shopping, but she wanted to show child services how ready she was to adopt Camelina. She had even found an au pair service she could use if she got custody of the baby, and somehow kept her job.

When she finally got home she had the flatbed of her truck full of various baby items. She had everything from a crib to diapers she thought would fit Carmelina. It took her a few trips to get everything inside and into the spare room. It had already been painted light purple, but had bought some letter decals to put it up to make it look more like a nursery she wanted to start building baby furniture but instead she found herself dailing her mother's number, knowing she would probably be able to speed up the bureaucratic process, as much as she didn't like to use her mother's connections she thought this was one of those times that called for it.

End Part 1

Notes: I hope I did this paring justice, even as only friends, kind of. The next part will be a little more personal. I was going to leave it here but it didn't feel done. I hope you enjoyed this.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Tired of Saving Souls (Part 2 of 2)  
Author: Trista Groulx (dustytiger)  
Rating: T  
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, alas, they belong to their network, creator, writers and actors and actresses who bring them to life each week.  
Summary: Prentiss makes a choice that may cost her her job. How will it change her life and her relationship with Hotch?  
Notes: This was written for a challenge on "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" search it in the "forum" category if you don't know it. Again this is not my pairing but thank you for the support on this. Thank you for the kind reviews and adds. Now the conclusion.

* * *

Prentiss had been serving her suspension for three weeks, but she hardly had time to think about that, or the review that was coming up in another two weeks. After a week and a half to prepare Carmelina had become part of her family. Prentiss was thrilled and focused all of her attention on the six month old while she could. She was preparing formula while the baby was swinging in her baby swing sucking on her soother and was surprised when she heard a knock at the door.

She put down what she was doing, rinsed and dried her hands and opened the door. She was surprised to find Hotch and his son Jack at her door. He was the last member of the team to come visit. JJ and Will had brought their son Henry to visit and play with Carmelina twice already. Even Reid had come and had given the baby a very nice doll. It surprised he how good Reid was with kids when he tried. She was glad to see her boss there.

"I would have come sooner," Hotch explained.

"But I wanted to see the baby, and Auntie Jessie and me went to visit Gram and Gandad," Jack explained. "I wanna see the baby, am I allowed to hold her Miss Prentiss?"

"Slow down little man," Prentiss laughed. "Of course you can hold Carmelina but I'm going to have to feed her first. But if you'd like you can push her in her swing for a few minutes."

"Cool!"

Prentiss went over and pushed a button, and Jack began to push the swing. "Be gentle with her all right?"

"I will!"

Hotch laughed watching his son with the infant. He liked it when Jack got to act like a normal little boy, since he had been through so much in the past few months. Jack seemed to enjoy meeting new friends of late.

"How are you doing?" Hotch asked.

"Great!" Prentiss replied.

"Really?"

She nodded. "Yes, really, I haven't even had a chance to think about not being at work."

"Don't you miss it?"

"No, I don't. Now that you mention it I couldn't care less if I helped to track down another unsub. I have seen so many horrific things, but the second I pick Carmelina up I start to forget all that. It feels good."

"Even when I'm with Jack my mind is still filled with ideas about who I can be helping at work."

"I guess we're wired differently."

Prentiss knew she needed to tell him what she was planning but wasn't sure how to. She had already told JJ, and asked her to keep the information to herself. She glanced over at Jack and Carmelina, and smiled. She then looked at Hotch then the floor. As she watched Jack and her daughter she knew she had done the right thing. She just had to tell her friends and surrogate family what he choice was going to be. She knew it would be hardest to tell Hotch because he was her superior.

"What's wrong Emily?" asked Hotch.

Working and being friends with profilers did have its advantages, they always knew when someone's behaviour was different. There was never any stalling when there was news involved. Nothing ever sat there like a pink elephant in the room for weeks. There was always someone there to call you on the change of behaviour and force you to talk about what was on your mind whether you wanted to or not.

"I'm considering taking a position my mother found for me. It would be safer and I would be able to spend more time with Carmelina," she blurted out.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" Hotch asked.

She nodded. "I'm the only parent she knows, I want to be there for as much as possible. My mother has even offered to let me use part of my trust fund to live on until she starts school, but I think I'd go stir crazy."

"If it's what you want, then I think it's the right choice. I want to make that decision for Jack but I can't seem to shut out the BAU despite everything that it's cost me."

"I want to do what's best for my daughter. I chose to be her mother and she deserves as much attention as I can give her."

"Are you still going to attend your review?"

She nodded. "I don't want anyone to think I did something wrong. All I did was what was best for my daughter, I just didn't know she was mine yet."

"I'm glad you decided to that Emily."

"Thank you, I hope to have the team's support one last time."

"Of course you will, and anything you need you let us know."

Prentiss was glad that she was going to have the team's support through everything.

She knew that it wasn't going to be easy to have to go through the review process knowing she was just going to quit in the end. She needed the FBI and her colleagues to know that she was not quitting because she had done something wrong but because she had chosen to be a mother. She never thought she would chose parenthood over her career, but that was before she had been faced with the choice. She got not imagine leaving Camelina for days at a time even with someone she trusted. It was going to be hard enough to leave her for hours a day when she started at a new job whatever it might be.

"I will," she agreed. "It's not going to be easy telling everyone else. JJ already knows we talked for hours a few nights ago and she understands my choice. She told me there are times she finds it hard to work but then she'll come home and find Will and Henry asleep on the couch together and she knows she made the right choice. Maybe if I had chosen to do this more traditionally I would have made a different choice. But with Carmelina being just a baby and me being her sole guardian it wouldn't be right to leave her like that."

"I understand Emily," Hotch assured her. "Even though I know you are making the right choice we are still going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too, but I think after what we have all been through we will still be close. Besides, I think your son is smitten with my daughter."

Hotch looked at his son who was still very gently rocking Carmelina gently. He was also telling her a story. The two adults could only watch and smile as the two children bonded. Prentiss went over and took one of the bottles she had just prepared. She then gave it to Jack. He looked up at the woman and smiled his eye lighting up. Hotch loved the look Jack would get on his face when he was given the chance to help out. There were times he wanted to see it more often but every time he tried to leave his position he couldn't. He knew he never could; there was a small part of him that envied Prentiss for being able to do it.

"How about you feed her today?" Prentiss suggested.

"Really?" asked Jack, grinning.

"Yes, when she starts to cry stop swinging her and give her this bottle, she'll be your best friend."

"Cool! Daddy did you hear that?"

"I did, Buddy, Emily's pretty good to you."

"Yeah! She is! Are we gonna come visit her and Carmelina again?"

"Of course, and I'll give her Aunt Jessica's number too in case she wants vistors."

"Cool! Daddy you're the best!"

"Can I offer you anything Hotch?" Prentiss asked.

"Water would be good, thank you," he replied.

Prentiss went into the kitchen and poured them each a glass of water as well as some juice for Jack. She came back into the room, and was just about to get comfortable on the couch across from where Hotch was sitting when Carmelina began to cry. She got her out of the swing carefully, and Jack sat on the loveseat. She put the baby in his arms and he put the bottle in her mouth carefully. As Carmelina drank Jack began to tell her another story. Prentiss sat down on the couch, and watched the kids. After the baby was done the bottle she fell asleep.

"Do you want me to move her?" Prentiss asked Jack.

"No, she's sleepy, and she's real light. But could you put on the TV for me?" the little boy replied.

"Sure."

Hotch and Prentiss spend the afternoon talking about kids. Hotch told Prentiss stories about Jack he had never told anyone before. He was glad that he had a friend who understood what it was like to be a single parent, even under different circumstances. He was able to let his guard down around Prentiss and knew that her leaving the team was going to start a new chapter in their friendship. One which he knew he desperately needed. He needed a parent friend who could help him out and give Jessica a break when she needed it. Hotch was glad he had come over with Jack or else he was sure that things would have been very different between them.

The End

Notes: I hope you enjoyed this. This is what came to me with the challenge. I'm not going to write this pairing again. I got some fun stuff in the works hoping to get a new series up soon and maybe a couple of stand alones. Thank you and hugz to everyone who took the time read this, or add it, alert it or review it it means a lot. Thanks - Trista


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